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(no subject) [Jan. 29th, 2003|05:13 pm]
[mood |pissed offpissed off]

there are a couple of things bothering me today.

first, taxes. obviously, i realize that my taxes go to pay for many worthwhile things. but this year, my taxes are going to help fund a war that i don't support. henry david thoreau went to prison for refusing to pay taxes on things he didn't support. if i didn't have a child, i'd consider just not paying my taxes. there's a risk of prison for that. a lot of people get away with it; maybe i could handle going to prison to make a stand. (or maybe i say these things because i'm going to pay my taxes anyway and nothing will happen to me for that.)

what's more on my mind today is the state budget crisis here in new york. let me say straightaway that i don't have a solution. i don't know enough about it. but what i do know is that pataki is making huge cuts to education (both public elementary/secondary schools and state colleges) and health care (including medicaid, which is my son's health insurance provider, which is hugely important as we've been to the doctor/emergency room no less than a dozen times over the last year, plus had to get prescriptions, all of which were free for us, courtesy of the state). there are also plans for 5,000 state jobs to be cut. the only thing that's being increased is 'public security.' this is all to avoid 'job-killing taxes.' personally, i would rather taxes be raised to fund important things like education and health care, rather than 'public security.' i would rather have a tax hike than cut funding for those things. i know most people don't feel that way, because most people don't look at the big picture and the long term effects. i don't know enough about balancing a state budget to offer a real solution. but christ, it makes me angry that these things are being cut. new york already has pretty shitty school systems, and health care, well, that affects me personally (especially once i'm out of college).

as for the state of the union, i'm still thinking. i didn't watch it; i decided going out for dessert was a far better way to spend the evening. i want to be optimistic, but i'm not sure i can believe a single word that comes out of bush's mouth. optimism and cynicism are battling to control my outlook.
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2003|05:54 pm]
[mood |complacentcomplacent]
[music |belly]

i'm feeling conflicted lately. i've been thinking about livejournal/opendiary -- the whole concept of it. i remember years ago when every little thing was important enough to write about, and i feel weary when i think of the heidi of two years ago. when did i get so old and tired? it seems to take so much effort these days, and i don't want it to be tedious. i want to love it again. further than that, my neglect of my journals has left me with almost no contact with most of you, and that makes me feel like a bad friend. but then i think, shouldn't our friendships be transcending livejournal/opendiary by now?

but apart from online journalling issues, i'm feeling quite fine. i haven't been writing because, in part, things have been going tremendously well. school is fine. i'm behind, but that's to be expected, because that's me. but the difference between this and the past is that right now i'm Manageably Behind, whereas i've always been Hopelessly Behind most of the time. it's progress.

transitions are beginning to occur. jenny is leaving this week for north carolina, for good, and i'm going to miss her a lot. she's one of the few friends left in this town. my girls are preparing to graduate in may, looking for jobs now. right now it looks like erika and julia are both heading to southern california, and candis may go that way eventually, too. i've got it in my head that no one apart from those three matters anymore. i'm not actively friends with deanna or laura anymore, and i love the boys to death but we've all grown apart. after may, the only people left will be sara and kj, and maybe andy and leslie for a little while. it's a lonely world sometimes.

but. this is what meeting people is all about. i need to be more neighborly and outgoing. i'm sure once i graduate in december and get a job i'll make friends out of necessity. i think i'm going to take my sister up on her offer to connect me with some non-profit organizations, because i think i'll find more like-minded people there than if i were to work as a corporate whore at one of the many profitable corporations in my city.

sigh. i still don't know what i want to do with my life.

here's what i did today: slept til 9:30 because baby let us; skipped recitation because i didn't read the material; went to class and daydreamed; spent most of the afternoon on the internet or with the x-box while baby napped. [x-box is so not good for productivity. yikes.]

i feel like i don't have anything interesting to say anymore.
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it's alright, even when push comes to shove. [Oct. 23rd, 2002|02:32 pm]
[mood |fullfull]
[music |travelling wilburys.]

i've decided to start using my other userpics more, because i see my sylvia plath and i sometimes mistakenly think it's me. although i might sometimes wish i really was sylvia plath [to some extent], it's simply not true.

so. i'm amazed and surprised and appalled and confused by the complete lack of work i have this semester. three classes, and only one has regular work -- weekly reaction papers on the weekly film, plus a midterm and final. i've got an A so far, hurray. my politics class requires a couple of reaction papers and a presentation, then a final paper. there's also a take-home final, months away. also reading that i don't do, and seemingly don't have to. history course requires readings for discussion, which i mostly do. also a big paper coming up. so right now i'm reading a little while for a couple of days a week, and writing one short paper a week, usually the morning of the day it's due.

it's ridiculous how much free time i have. i know i should be starting on those papers soon, but still. it's great for now. i have more time with james, and more time for writing, and more time to listen to music and make CDs and watch tv and read books and and and... i love this.

i don't have much else to say. oh, here's something. in my politics class we were talking about the first lady and her role in the administration, how they almost always take up and issue or a cause to champion. quote from my teacher: "laura bush's issue is literacy, and not just for her husband." haha. biggest laugh she's gotten all year.

i'm in a weird mood, and i'm not sure what to blame it on. but it's a good weird. greg and i are acting like we're in love again, and (gasp!) could we mean it? james makes me smile with nearly everything he does. his comprehension is growing. ask him 'where's daddy?' or 'where's mommy?' and he knows who to look at. i think he knows our fish, too. cute, no? he'll be talking before too long.

i want to write but i don't have much journal-appropriate stuff to say, so i suppose it's time to turn to my notebook. i've been doing really well about writing regularly, or at least every day.

haha. i just posted this but came back to say, isn't that 'full' face [mood] just about the funniest thing ever? i meant full of life and stuff. duh.
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